Louise Thompson opens up on depressive panic episodes that ‘last for hours’
Louise Thompson has shared her brutal experience of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after nearly dying during the birth of her son Leo.
The 31 year old, who recently marked seven weeks since the birth of her child, took to her Instagram feed to detail the "depressive panic episodes" she's had and described how she "can't function".
Posting a snap of herself wrapped in a white robe while cuddled up on a couch with Leo, who donned a striped babygrow, the star gave her 1.3million fans a trigger warning about PTSD in the caption before sharing all.
"Trigger warning : PTSD My experience so far [book emoji] …," she first wrote.
Louise then explained: "I can only write when I am not having a depressive panic episode and luckily right now I am not. My panic episodes can last hours or days and are totally unpredictable.
"When I’m having one I can’t function, I can’t look after myself, let alone anyone else around me. I can’t even spell my name. I can’t see, I can’t hear, I can’t look anyone in the eye. They have got so bad that I have convinced myself that I’m going crazy."
The former Made In Chelsea star went on to share how she doesn't feel like herself as she's constantly attaching herself to physical or mental problems.
"I feel depersonalisation, hyper paranoia as if I’ve taken a million and one drugs and I feel like I’m stuck in another realm. I am not myself. If my mind can’t find a physical problem then it will attach itself to a mental one," she wrote, continuing: "The other night I thought my head was actually going to explode open because my internal dialogue was so wild and overwrought. I looked in the mirror and my eyes were blood shot.
"I don’t know whether the mental causes the physical or the other way around, but things seem to be getting worse. If it was a permanent state, I don’t think I would be here."
Louise then shared how her subconscious thinks she's "dying all the time" and she can't predict when she's going to have a panic episode, which means she can't plan her days.
"I think I have boxed my experiences up and buried them, but they are coming back to haunt me. ALL THE TIME. My body and mind are in constant fight or flight mode and I quite literally will be triggered by anything. The other day I looked in the mirror and noticed that the underside of my tongue was blue. I thought I was dying," she shared.
The reality star then shared another "trigger" – the mornings – as she's fearful that she'll start the day off in one of these "depressive manic episodes" and will have a hard time coming out of it.
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She went on to describe the physical issues she's been suffering too as she said: "No tools can fix the problem. Nothing. Tools seem laughable at this point, but I’m sure they will get better. I’m not just a hypochondriac I do have a lot of really bad physical symptoms too like pain, dizziness, fainting, temperatures, blood pressure issues, nausea, diarrhoea, adrenaline, sweating, the list goes on."
Louise then explained that she spent New Year's Day back in A&E and thanked the NHS for their hard work.
"But I need to remember that I’ve still come so far," she said. "Things were actually a lot worse. It doesn’t feel like it now but they were. Before I was worrying about savage infections and blood test results, now I’m worrying about fatigue and memory loss.
"The trends are moving in the right direction and I’m weaned off all my meds. I’m not even taking sleeping pills anymore because I’m worried about the psychogenic effects. I really want to be clean.
"When I have one full good day I celebrate it, but I’m actually scared about what is going to come next."
Asking her legion of fans for advice, she added: "Has anyone else been trapped in this world of PTSD? I know that everyone’s experience is different. In fact please don’t comment anything unless it is resoundingly positive because I’m not sure I can handle it right now."
"If you are struggling with mental health problems, know that you are not alone. We are all in this together. Life can be a real beauty and a real tough b**** too." Louise concluded.
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