David Crosby Answers Your Questions About Open Marriages, Anti-Vaxxers and More
As David Crosby has proven time and time again, there’s no question he’s unwilling to answer. He’s also made more than his share of mistakes throughout his long life, which is why he was the perfect person to become Rolling Stone’s newest advice columnist. In his second “Ask Croz” column, Crosby takes on anti-vaxxers, open marriages, and finding meaning in your life after devastating loss.
I’ve been married for 15 years, and I’m starting to feel pretty bored. I think the only way this can work in the long run is if my wife agrees to an open relationship. How do I broach this topic without her going insane? Can open marriages work?
—Evan, Raleigh, North Carolina
No. I say that because I tried it. Look, I’m the guy that wrote “Triad.” I tried it, believe me. I tried it every which way. What happens is we’re imperfect beings and we get jealous of each other and if you’re going with two different girls, one of them is going to get jealous of the other one. It happens almost every time. I know people that have done it for a number of years and they have balanced each other. But generally, when a guy wants an open marriage, he just means he wants to get laid and he wants permission to scout around and hit on other girls. You can’t do that. It’s not going to work. I mean, you can do it, but your love is never going to love you and trust you. You’ll never get to the level that I’m at with my wife, where she trusts me. She knows I’m not going to screw around because I haven’t done it in 42 years and I’m not going to start now.
My sister refuses to vaccinate her kids. She’s worried it’ll cause them to be autistic. I’m worried they are going to get measles or worse. Would I be wrong to take them to a doctor without her knowing? I know a doctor who’ll do it.
—Summer, Portland, Oregon
This is serious business. The anti-vaxxers are wrong. They are absolutely wrong. Their information is incorrect and vaccinating people does not cause autism. Period. Autism is an entirely different thing. Read Steve Silberman’s book [NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity] and you will understand autism a lot better. People who are selling the anti-vaxxer nonsense are the same people who think the earth is flat. They are just ignorant and wrong. And the problem comes in when you’re in inflicting this on someone else. You’re saying your kid can’t have the medicine, but you are pushing your ignorance and stupidity on your kid and that can hurt them very, very badly. But that’s not the worst part. The worst part is you can cause a whole bunch of other people to get sick. That is an irresponsibility I can hardly countenance at all. I can’t. There isn’t any way I can find any forgiveness in my heart for people that do that. It is utterly stupid. All of the evidence contradicts it and you’re doing great harm. People trying to tell you it’s not are selling you a load of crap.
I am 60, widowed and childless. I am looking for ways to put life in my life. How do I lose that old-and-in-the-way feeling?
—Elizabeth, Rock Hill, South Carolina
You need to do it honestly. Look at yourself and see where there is something that matters enough to you to get off your butt and get out there and do it. Maybe its the Women’s March or helping out at the local old people’s shelter or maybe helping people who are homeless. Look for something that gives calm and purpose to your life and fills up your day with a bunch of really great stuff. The way I judge people, one of the first things I ask myself when meeting someone and making a judgment is, “Who have they helped?” That’s a way to give purpose to your life that is really, really good. Half the people on the planet need help in one way or another: Food, shelter, clothing, a loving hand, somebody who gives a shit. They need that. If you can do that, you’re doing a good deed. You’re helping. You’re lifting.
Please keep the questions for Croz coming. You can e-mail them to [email protected] or simply tweet them with the hashtag #AskCroz. Please make sure you are asking for legit life advice. We’ve gotten many questions about his music career and they’re all very interesting, but not what we’re looking for here.
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